i have been blaming myself for not being able to act normal,
all of my life,
i have been thinking it's  all my fault that i don't act normal,
like everyone else,
they smile,
the greet each other and shake hands,
they chat,
they leave each other their contact numbers saying let's meet up again,
they pick up phones,
they call,
they  have extreme phone bill balance at least once in a life time......

i  totally dispise myself for being so fearful and passive,
i so look down on myself that i can't stop wishing myself away.

and now i can not stop crying.